what now

So it’s all over! Very underwhelmingly so, but also crushing – listening to Kate Bush on the train and crying sort of crushing. We have had on and off rain for the last few days so that hasn’t helped matters.

The hardest thing is that it doesn’t feel finished. I don’t really know how to navigate my life without a monolith of terror and dread and finality to work towards. In the most cliché way possible, I don’t really know who I am either.

But I’ve got a haircut! And I’m watching series two of Killing Eve and Gentleman Jack as it airs (it’s made me cry at least three times in almost as many episodes so far), and will be rewatching Ghosts, but with my sister this time. And that’s not to mention the newest series of Taskmaster and series four of Shetland. Woah, that’s a lot of italics.

And then books! I have a whole summer to read for my own pleasure only! On the fanfic front, I’m going to reread Long Live Living and then The Shoebox Project because it’s just the thing to do it, as well as more of fluorescentgrey’s work. I’m not sure what to read novelwise; my main goal is to get around to reading Lonesome Dove, but I’m not sure what else. There’s some nonfiction I want to read, and I think more Virginia Woolf and Shirley Jackson is in order, but apart from that… We’ll see!

Through The Exams I was rereading The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and am currently halfway through Life, the Universe and Everything, which I didn’t remember very well but have been ADORING! – it’s so funny, especially Ford and Arthur’s conversation right at the beginning. So I reckon I’ll finish those before moving on to other fiction.

Writing, at the moment, is mostly reserved to writing down (typing) odd little snippets of things that randomly occur to me. Arguably this is not very productive, but I’ve always regretted not doing it before, so.

Even if it is just fairly standard sentences like:

She could remember with perfect clarity the way it had felt, sitting in Ann’s golden bedroom with the absolute knowledge that she was going to be hurt again lodged hard in her gut.

halfway through the fourth episode of Gentleman Jack. (ugh, Ann’s hair looked so good in that scene! also! freckles! – not to be shallow, lol)

[WRITTEN THE DAY AFTER]

So I went to Waterstones and bought (well -- not bought, I had a giftcard) Deep Water by Patricia Highsmith, which is very compelling so far.

I was wanting to sign up to Rare Pairs, but nobody so far has requested anything I am able to write, so it's looking unlikely, which is a shame.

addendum

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