'NAUSE!

Big Decision has not been made in actuality, but it has essentially been made, which is hard to come to terms with; both are options were good options and had different strengths, and I can’t help but wonder how my life might turn out differently if I chose Option B instead of Option Y. But it is Option Y, I’ve decided.

I’m simultaneously extremely excited and horrendously nervous and I wish so much that I don’t have to go through Exams to get there. I’m not too worried or stressed and am sort of oscillating between quietly confident and vaguely anxious, but I really just don’t want to do them. I’m good at exams, normally, but I’m not the sort of person to thrive in that atmosphere. And I’m fed up with the worst part of the year (weatherwise) being spoilt by Exams, year after year after year.

I am also a bit ambivalent about my writing. It’s not dreadful, but characterisation and dialogue is so hard!

The major problem at the moment is that I’ve almost exhausted Dark Matter fic in my head. I don’t have much more to say. But the fandoms that I do want to write for feel out of reach. Mostly because the fics in my head are mystery type things set interwar or otherwise historically, and a. I don’t know enough of the social history. This could be rectified but not right now and not in the foreseeable future; I don’t have the time, funds, or freedom. b. I’m not good at plotting. c. linking to b., I don’t have the life experience to plot murder mysteries because they depend on small details, and d. I don’t know what it was like to be an adult before the internet and that’s really hard to research or find out about, because it didn’t need to be written down!

These are to a certain extent excuses. There are bits of research I could do – and that would be enjoyable. And there are smaller stories that don’t need full out plotting  or in-depth historical knowledge, but then my problems with characterisation and dialogue come in!

There are things I’m writing, mostly in the HP fandom, so it’s not all bad and tbh I need a bit of a break anyway. Writing a treat for Yuletide, four fics for Chocolate Box, and now three (? – depends a bit, but probably) for H/C was a bad idea.  Writing is good stress relief for real life issues right now, but looking back I’ve probably overdone it – not that I regret doing any of these exchanges, I absolutely don’t; they’ve been amazingly fun!

~~ (a couple of days after writing the first bit)

England is in the occupation of some absolutely glorious weather! I have been lazing with a book on the grass, mostly, and watching the cats! This makes me very happy.

I reread the first two Murder Most Unladylike books, which are brilliant even though I’m far too old for them. I wish they’d been around when I was little because I’d have adored them. I am also making my way through Not In Front of the Servants by Frank Victor Dawes, which is the best sort of social history, comprehensive and illuminating – everything about the period and its ideology and ethos just snaps into place as you read it, everything makes sense suddenly. I might talk about it more after I’ve finished.

Oh, it’s such lovely weather!

I completed the Fansplaining questionnaire on shipping behaviour yesterday, and found it very interesting the way that they divided ships into ‘active’ and ‘casual’. Instead of ‘active’ and ‘passive’ or ‘casual’ and ‘intense’.

There are a lot of ships that I have that I wouldn’t say I’m an active shipper of, but am definitely not casual about—ships that mean a lot to me and that I love but will never go beyond idle speculation or passive consumption. And then there are ships I’ve written or actively commented on etc. but don’t feel that passionately about.

Anyway, aside from that it was a really cool survey, and it got me into thinking about multi-shipping and my own tendencies. I’ve never found it in myself to ship a character with more than one other, either poly or separately, so when it comes to ships that I find myself reading despite not knowing canon (simply because the fandom is producing so much good stuff!), I tend to fall into juggernaut pairings, because that’s what I am likely to see first and imprint on. In larger fandoms with lots of space and interesting minor characters, I may get into rarer pairings, like in HP with Ginny/Luna or Seamus/Dean.

It seems a bit of a shame, but it’s not really something I can work around.

In other news: h/c is going surprisingly well after a (minor!) hiccough, although I am aware that realistically I have two weeks left before real life will prevent me from writing much. So it’s full steam ahead!

Big Life Decision is starting to look impossible and somewhat imposing. I’m not the sort to regret decisions after they’ve been made but I am extremely indecisive and I’m not sure what to do! Deadline looming etc.

But aside from worrying about that, I am surprisingly okay, which is odd because I shouldn’t be, really. I should be much more stressed. I keep thinking that maybe I am, under the surface, but I don’t think I am? Weird times, weird times. Can’t wait for the summer.

Also! We watched the fifth series of Shetland and have now embarked on the first. The fifth series was… kind of terrible on a plot level, laughably so at times, but not in a way that prevented me from being at least halfway invested in it. There’s something indescribably, intangibly hilarious about Jimmy Perez’s face, or maybe the way he moves in space or just stands. I’m not sure what.

Speaking of intangibly hilarious things, I’ve been watching Alex Horne and John Robins’ YouTube series ‘Bad Golf’, which is… just the best, omg. Mostly it’s just chill and funny without being concretely comedic, but on occasion I’ve been shaking with laughter and I’m not sure why. It’s a parody of……… something?

Weird times, weird times.

Dear Chocolatier,

Hello! I’m nause. Over at ao3 I am adnauseam, over at tumblr I am etcetera-adnauseam, and on discord I am adnauseam#2400 (whatever that means).

First of all, thank you so much for writing for me! If you are the sort of person who prefers to write without prompts, then feel free to ignore this letter. As long as my DNWs are not included, I will love whatever you write – I’m fairly easy-going, I promise. I like fics of all lengths, tones, and ratings.

I am cool with gen, slash, femslash, or het. Admittedly my tastes tend towards slash or femslash, and that’s mostly what’s requested here, but I don’t have any particular aversion towards het, so don’t feel you have to avoid it or anything.

Although the sections of this letter are of varying lengths, this is not because I like some fandoms/pairings more than others – I would be more than happy with any of the following requests being written! I’m just a mess with no restraint or sense of structure.

I've requested fic for all fandoms, though art treats are welcome.



I have requested: Dark Matter (Michelle Paver); We Have Always Lived in the Castle (Shirley Jackson); The Haunting of Hill House (Shirley Jackson); Jeeves (PG Wodehouse); Harry Potter (JK Rowling).

DNWs: non-con, mpreg, a/b/o or similar dom/sub universes, PWP, hard kinks you would consider ‘opt in’ as a rule (e.g. scat), ‘onscreen’ graphic harm to animals or children, voyeurism in sexual situations, underage (under 16yrs), student/teacher relationships, soulmate AUs, public sex, character/pairing bashing, unrequested polyamory, unrequested rule 63/genderswap, unrequested modern day AUs.

Some clarifications:

         Non-con:

I would not like to receive non-con but am okay with most dub-con. The sort of dub-con I would not like to receive is where Character A is exploiting or has the advantage over Character B. For example, a fic in which both characters are too inebriated to properly consent would be fine, a fic in which A is sober but B is too drunk to consent (however enthusiastic) would not. Or another example: a fuck or die or sex pollen fic would be fine, as long as it has not been engineered by one character to take advantage of the other.

      Pregnancy:

I’ve only put mpreg in my DNWs, because pregnancy in general is fine, but I would prefer not to receive a fic in which pregnancy/childbirth is the focus.

PWPs:

I am cool with sex being included! More than cool! I just don’t want the fic to be nothing but sex.

 'Opt in’ kinks:

I haven’t made a list of these, because I would inevitably forget some. If something seems niche or extreme or ‘opt in’ then I’m probably not into it. E.g. scat, bloodplay etc.

      Voyeurism:

I love outsider POVs, but I don’t want sexual voyeurism, it makes me anxious.

This is not a DNW exactly, but in sexual situations I'd like you to avoid the word 'c*nt'. It's not a hard DNW, but I do find it generally uncomfortable.

What I am a fan of:

Bittersweet endings! Ambiguous endings! Relationships that definitely ought to be dysfunctional but are somehow quite functional despite it all! Unhealthy levels of devotion and obsession! Ghosts! Uneasiness! Aftermaths, recovery, and life goes on! Pining! My id is approximately 90% mutual pining, no word of a lie. Huddling for warmth/sharing a bed! Non-verbal communication and quiet intimacy! Isolated vignettes/scenes from a life! Outsider POVs! Repression and unresolved issues! Nerdiness over historical details! Developing relationships! Women being awesome! Loneliness! Non-penetrative sex! (I don’t have anything against penetrative sex however.) Touch deprived characters being overwhelmed! Epistolary! Found families! Mysteries! Happiness! Descriptions of setting! Atmosphere/mood focused stories! Humour! Inadequately masked fondness! Guilt & regret! Comes back wrong! 5 + 1 fics! Unreliable narrators! Us against the world!

DARK MATTER

Jack/Gus

Oh, I have so many feelings about these characters! I love how earnest they are, especially Jack even despite the bleakness of his situation at the beginning of the book.

I love the setting and atmosphere of canon and am definitely up for something set during the events of the book. Given the journal format, there are plenty of scenes that we don’t get to see, so I’d love to see the gaps filled in a bit. Maybe from Gus’s POV? Or Algie’s? The unreliableness of Jack’s narration really interests me… Journal entries are so unreliable/subjective/claustrophobic and it might be compelling to play with this, or to show Jack from someone else’s POV. We get glimpses of this when Jack reads Gus’s own entries, but those are quite reserved of course, and the more personal parts of those seem to be what Gus just can’t help but express – which in itself interests me… What did Gus see in the boat? How did Gus and Algie’s conversation about it go? I would like to read about what Gus was thinking when he couldn’t bring himself to tell Jack about it… Or Gus’s POV when he loses contact with Jack from Longyearbyen and they make the decision to go back to Gruhuken (or Algie’s POV if you want!) – I would adore that! Desperation! Panic! Guilt! Dread!

Obviously, Gus/Jack is not resolved during canon, so if you’re writing a fic set during this timeframe, don’t worry about not making it shippy enough. I’ve requested Gus/Jack, but I don’t need them to enter/have entered a relationship within the fic, pre-slash or an undercurrent of feelings/pining is totally valid!

I would also love to see a post-canon fixit, of course… Who doesn’t! The ending interests me, because although it is obviously v v sad, I do quite like it… It is, at least, very neat, because of course it is the 1930s, and we don’t even know if Gus does requite Jack’s feelings. I would like to think that he did, although ultimately it doesn’t matter much to me – more important is that Jack did get to a position where he could open himself up enough to fall in love—but I’m getting somewhat off topic. Anyway.

Point being, if Gus does survive, it’s quite messy. I would like to see Jack and Gus navigate England post-Gruhuken, and even during the war… You don’t have to go full 1930/40s societal pressure/family troubles/homophobia if you don’t want to, though I would like some sort of acknowledgement of the difficulties their relationship might go through, if you’re up for that. I mean, I don’t really want some heartbreaking break-up fic particularly, but even aside from external issues, I do think there would be internal conflicts to work through. Jack is so solitary and then there’s the class divides and the trauma from Gruhuken… I would enjoy a fic dealing with this very much. But ultimately, I just want them to find happiness, much as I love sad canon fic.

Do they go to Jamaica? Would they stay in the UK during the war? Do Gus’s parents know? What do they make of it? What is the family like? I’m always up for an outsider’s POV by the way.

If you want to write something sad and post-canon where Gus is dead, go for it! Don’t feel that you have to write a happy ending. I’d also be up for a comes back wrong, maybe where Gus is just ever so slightly different, and Jack becomes gradually more aware that something isn’t right… Doesn’t have to be a malicious comes back wrong and could even potentially be bittersweet.

[EDIT 07/01/19. Oh, I just had a thought! Time loop/groundhog day! That would be brilliant. Maybe for that last day in Gruhuken, or for the day Gus leaves, or the night under the aurora when Gus nearly tells him about seeing the ghost? I would love this.]

I haven’t requested Isaak specifically, but I absolutely adore him and would love for him to be included! I’m aware that huskies don’t live particularly long on average, so don’t feel you have to write him as immortal or anything, but I would prefer not to read a fic principally concerned with his death.

My feelings on Algie are… complicated, to say the least, but I do find him interesting. You don’t need to prominently include him if you have no desire to, but feel free to do so if you want to. He’s obviously an important part of Gus’s life and vice versa.

I like both first and third person in this fandom – go with whatever is most comfortable for you. I enjoy fic written in journal entries, but I also enjoy ‘ordinary’ narration, either is good!

I haven’t bookmarked anything in this fandom because there aren’t very many fics, so I know I won’t lose anything, but I’ve enjoyed everything written in this fandom… so like… Anything goes! Pining is good! Recovery fic is good! Sad canon fic is good! Especially with undertones of pining! I love this fandom, I will read anything!

WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE

Merricat & Constance

Oh, We Have Always Lived in the Castle… Shirley Jackson is one of my favourite writers ever and this is one of my favourite books… I love Merricat, I think more than I probably ought to!

I’m fascinated by the relationship of the sisters! It’s so co-dependent and frighteningly dysfunctional really, but they somehow make it work. The ending in particular is so interesting! Merricat is viciously happy, but they’re so confined… The cardboard over the windows is so distressing to me – Constance was so joyful at the beginning when she got as far as the gate, but by the end they’re spending large swathes of their lives watching out from the door. Is Constance as happy as Merricat thinks she is? I would very much enjoy a fic from her POV.

What are they like ten years into the future? Twenty? Thirty? Fourty? Is their way of living sustainable? Do people from the outside try to interact with them again?

A more specific prompt, if you want it, would be a story from Charles’s POV or one of the other side characters. I’d be fascinated to see Merricat and Constance’s relationship seen through somebody more “normal” – Merricat’s POV is so skewed and claustrophobic.

I would also love a fic set pre-canon, maybe during the trial, or during/around the murders. What was Merricat and Constance’s relationship like then? How did it fit within the family dynamic? What was Merricat’s mindset when she killed them? Constance’s during the trial?

What if Constance hadn’t been acquitted? What if Merricat had been prosecuted instead? A fic in which Merricat has been institutionalised and Constance is visiting her would be amazing… How different would their relationship be in that situation?

Feel free to creep me out, by the way. I love uneasy stories.

First or third person both welcome! Go with what is more comfortable for you.

I love them so much, chocolatier! I will be happy with anything! I just want more fic in this fandom!

THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE

Eleanor/Theo; Eleanor & Theo

I will take this as gen, full throated femslash, laden with homoerotic subtext, implied anything with these two!

The contrast between Eleanor’s intense, obsessive attachment to Theo, and Theo’s relative lack of interest in her (there’s affection and genuine interest there, I think, but it’s not on the same level) is both heartbreaking and fascinating to me. Eleanor’s fear of being left alone and her inability to conduct her life independently – shaped by her upbringing and her mother, of course, and her lack of opportunity to form an individual identity – is so engaging to me, and I’d love to see a fic dealing with this, perhaps from Theo’s POV.

I’d love to see a fic set during canon, either as a missing scene or as a canon divergence/alternate canon. What if the haunting focused on Theo instead? Would a relationship between Theo & Eleanor change the nature of the haunting or would it make no difference?

My reading of the book is that there are no specific ghosts haunting Hill House, because it is the house itself that is malicious and evil, so I would prefer a fic aligning with this. That said, if you want to explore Eleanor coming back as a ghost to haunt Theo, absolutely go for it!

I would love a creepy/uneasy story, but I also really like the humorous elements of the book, so if you want to embrace that, go for it! The way the characters talk to each other is so fascinating to me… witty and sophisticated and not quite right and always veering on the edge of hysteria.

I was reading this article recently, and was particularly interested in this bit:

Neither is Eleanor’s grasping after a sense of sexuality that has been denied her: her intense attachment to Theodora and her reflexive attempts to make herself attached to Luke are spelled out with some directness.

Which interests me. I don’t know I’d say it was all that direct, but the whole ‘reflexive attempts to make herself attached to Luke’ I very much agree with. Maybe a story where Theo confronts her about this? I’d be happy with anything exploring this concept.

Unlike the other relationships I’ve requested, I have real trouble seeing Theo/Eleanor as endgame in any way, even in a fix-it. If you want to write them as such go for it! Convince me! But in truth I see Theo patching it up with her “friend”… If Eleanor doesn’t suicide, what does she do after the events of the book? Surely she can’t go back to her sister’s… Does she try and impose herself on Theo? Away from the house does she come to her senses?

I’ve always read Theo as a lesbian, to be honest, and even if you decide to go down a gen route (totally valid! I’m up for that!) I’d prefer it if you didn’t portray her as being straight or in a het relationship (don’t feel the need to spell out her sexuality if you don’t want to; I would probably prefer a more ambiguous set up).

JEEVES – PG WODEHOUSE

Honoria/Madeline; Honoria & Madeline

To my knowledge*, these two do not actually meet in canon or anything BUT… I just think that they would make such a fun pair! They’d be excellent foils to each other, with Madeline’s sentimental dreaminess and Honoria’s heartiness.

If you want to write a canon style farce, then I think the fact that both characters think that Bertie (the dear) is in love with them would be a good base! Surely that has comical misunderstandings written all over it. I would be all over that!

If you want to go more realistic/historical, then I would totally be up for it. I am fascinated by how Bertie’s narration skews the way we see the other characters, particularly the women he is (briefly!) engaged to. His fear and sort of confused aversion really defines them, and what they never get is the opportunity to be characters in their own right. So – what are Honoria and Madeline actually like, removed from this distortion? I would love to see Honoria and Madeline on their own terms.

I love the hints in canon of a more steely Madeline. In particular…

He looked pale and corpse-like, she cold and proud and aloof. (…) didn’t exchange a word from start to finish. Oh, yes, once – when he asked her to pass the salt, and she passed the pepper, and he said ‘I meant the salt,’ and she said, ‘Oh really?’ and passed the mustard. The Code of the Woosters, Chapter Six.

!!!

So if you wanted to write a quieter/contemplative/flirty piece I would totally be up for it!

If you want to go the gen route, I am happy with canon het to be in the background and even endgame as I love it all… I just don’t want it to be prominent/the main focus. If you are going with the femslash route, I am happy with canon het involving either character to be mentioned in the past tense or in the background, but not endgame please! Canon het involving other characters is welcome in the background, as is Bertie/Jeeves (the dears), but this is definitely not necessary at all.

Ultimately, I just want a fic in which Madeline and Honoria interact. I’d love to see their personalities rub up against/bounce off each other. It doesn’t need to be harmonious, exactly, I’d be up for a more fraught fic where they don’t fully understand each other.

I am cool with first or third person, go with whatever feels more comfortable!

*I have read all of the short stories, but not all of the novels. I have read Thank You, Jeeves/Right Ho, Jeeves/The Code of the Woosters/Much Obliged, Jeeves/Aunts Aren’t Gentlemen and am currently reading Joy in the Morning. References to events from the other novels or the show will likely go over my head, I’m afraid!

HARRY POTTER

Ginny/Luna; Ginny & Luna

I love these two, gen or otherwise. I love Ginny’s spirit and grit and fierceness and sense of humour. I love Luna’s off kilter way of looking at things and her quiet strength and her sense of loyalty. I love their friendship. I would love a romance between them.

I’d particularly love a fic about recovering from the war or rebuilding Hogwarts. What do they get up to in Seventh Year? Post-Hogwarts? (Please feel more than free to ignore the epilogue.)

I’m also really interested in the dynamic of the DA during Deathly Hallows and would love to see how their relationship develops in the climate of fear and uncertainty. If your tastes run towards the plotty, I’d love to see one of the DA’s underground missions. If your tastes run towards calmer moments or introspection, I’d be more than happy to see that too.

I am fine with Harry/Ginny being either integrated or entirely ignored. It can even be in the background as a sort of unresolved question; I do have a fondness for it, but have no particular interest in reading a fic where it is foregrounded or particularly endgame…

Luna & Ginny & Neville

As mentioned above, I am fascinated with the DA during the Deathly Hallows/Battle of Hogwarts. I would love a fic exploring the dynamic of the silver trio. How does their relationship develop throughout the events of the year? How do they stand up to the teachers? How do they give each other emotional support? Maybe a fic about listening to Potterwatch/discussing events occurring outside of Hogwarts?

Plotty fics and more emotion centred pieces are both more than fine.

Please feel free to include plenty of other DA members/Hogwarts students in the background if you wish!

TLDR: If it’s not in my DNWs, I will probably love it, chocolatier! If you have your own idea that you want to explore, go for it.

Also, as a last note, I’m a bit of a slow commentator, but I will do so (it just may not be straight away). If it does take a while (it shouldn’t take longer than the anon period imo), it is absolutely not because I didn’t like it! Much more likely, I love it so much I don’t know how to articulate my thoughts.

Rec at least three fanworks that you didn't create.

I am a day late, but here we go…

this is it, this is war by theviolonist. Ginny/Luna, 658 words, set during Deathly Hallows. Lovely spare prose and this interesting vein of uneasiness. Taking what you can get.

Jeeves and the Rescue OR Bertie and the Dashed Unpleasant Circs by andimeantittosting (Saylee). Bertie/Jeeves, 6638 words. This fic is a list of things that definitely shouldn’t work in a Jeeves fic but somehow do: third person revolving POV, onscreen real effects of societal homophobia, relocation to another country, onscreen resolved romantic tension, all sorts of things that shouldn’t work! But do work! It’s an impressive balancing act, that’s for sure. One of the reasons it does work (other than being written well) is that it exploits the Bertie as seen in narrative/Bertie who is writing the narrative dichotomy, which is always interesting.

The Big Gay Episode by Mithrigil. Horrible Histories, multiple pairings, 8086 words. I love this so much! It’s so much fun. It has songs! What more could you want? My favourite bit is the lesbians who don’t do anything, omg.

I don’t watch a lot of telly, and when I do I don’t normally watch it live/with everyone else, but I’ve made the effort and it’s been 1000% worth it!

2018 has been an odd year for me, as I’m sure it has been for us all, and DW has become an opportunity to forget all that and just wholeheartedly enjoy something. I haven’t wanted to get invested in it enough to feel disappointment or entitlement about the show, because that always makes watching a show frustrating, at least to me, so I don’t have much to say about it really.

More than anything else I just want to express my gratitude to Jodie Whittaker, who has been amazing! Just brilliant!!! There have been problems, with plots and such and really the whole series hasn’t quite pulled together for me, but Jodie as the Doctor has made it all worth it! And all the companions have been great – Graham and Ryan made me tear up this week.

I’ve loved the unapologetically hopeful tone and the sincere slightly cheesiness and I think that, despite the quality of the plots, most of the side character have been memorable and interesting and not at all flat.

If I had to arbitrarily rank the episodes I would go for It Takes You Away, Demons of the Punjab, and Kerblam! at the top (though I couldn’t pick a favourite), and The Ghost Monument at the bottom – nothing wrong with it, exactly, it just wasn’t particularly memorable.

Apart from DW, the last week or so has been taken up with the Tumblr shenanigans… Might make a post about this, but not now… I am apprehensive about the whole thing.

                  So instead I am yelling into a void about very little. I am feeling too drained to be much amused, but I do think that it is amusing. At least I have the cat.

                  At current I am thinking about:

-        Guilt: I feel very guilty whenever spending money on anything at all, and I’m not sure if this is dysfunctional or if it is all that will keep me from ending up in debt, what with my poor impulse control.

-        All You Have To Do Is Open Your Eyes by torakowalski: specifically, the sentence construction. For example: ‘The centre of his chest feels like someone just punched it hollow.’ Which is in character narration as well as evocative and emotive. Also: ‘Alvarez goes down to his knees like a hanged man after the rope’s been cut’, which again is emotive without being flowery. The paragraphs are also very minimal in this fic. I am starting to become paranoid about my paragraph length.

-        Whether or not I think the Doctor was wrong re the spider death in episode 4. Not that American douche (everyone on tumblr seems convinced that he is a too obvious Trump metaphor. I am not sure he is supposed to be so specific. He’s a representation of questionable American values and cultures, but that isn’t quite the same.) was going about it in the best manner possible, but surely it is more humane to put the spider out of its misery rather than let it die slowly and painfully and fearfully, which is the worst thing.

-        Connected to this, I am thinking about why the pain of animals is so acutely distressing, much more so than the pain of adult humans. Maybe because animals feel fear in an uncomplicated, pure sort of way. Nothing else but complete utter fear. Or maybe because they seem helpless in a way that human adults don’t often appear. Like children, infants, babies.

-        The fact that over my adolescence my career/life goals have gone roughly from writer to editor to something in the public sector maybe? to become a hermit in north Scotland.

-        Vera is clearly superior to Lewis, fight me.

-        Shirley Jackson seems to be on the up, what with this Netflix miniseries and all. I don’t have Netflix but I’m sure it has been handled well. I am very smug that I discovered her before all this renewed interest, even though she isn’t all that obscure.

-        Brighton Rock, by Graham Greene: specifically, the way in which this is worded: ‘Pain happened to him’. It’s very interesting. Overall though I am not as invested as I should be, half way though the book and all. Also I am fed up of Greene going on about Ida’s breasts. I get it. They are large. She has vitality. Please stop.

-        Candle in a Vacuum is now up to nearly 7000 words and this is terrifying. Individually each scene is… fine, but overall the pacing and tone is a problem. I’m not sure enough about what I’m aiming for, that’s the biggest problem. But I’m very proud, just of the fact that I am writing at all.

-        Peak 2018 ‘nause is writing: ‘For perhaps a week or even approaching two he did not dream, or if he did it was only of blackness and indistinguishable from dreamlessness.’ and fully embracing it. Post irony etc.

-       will hbomb ever upload again? The defining question of our time…